01/25/13 UPDATE – SMALL THINGS

THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT

 

 The Sword of the Spirit is described as a two-edged sword, “hold in your hand the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, for the Word that God speaks is alive and active; it cuts more keenly than any two-edged sword: it strikes through to the place where soul and spirit meet, to the innermost intimacies of a man’s being: it exposes the very thoughts and motives of a man’s heart.”  Ouch!

Again, using the Spartan solder instead of the Roman, we find that their swords were small, with only about an 18” blade at the most.  It was used after the enemy had charged their lines trying to break apart their ranks.  After using their shield to press the enemy backwards off-balance, they would stab, not hack (as the movies show) the enemy between their armor pieces.  In other words, any exposed areas where pierced through, separating the pieces of armor where exposed.  Sound familiar?

The Word of God therefore, must be used skillfully, to pierce and slice, not wasting a lot of time and energy hacking and swinging wildly.  This means first of all learning to interpret God’s Word for ourselves.  Looking to God first for His Voice (Word), and if using it to rebuke, correct, or instruct in righteousness, we seek His guidance for how, when, what scriptures, and who with.  For ourselves, since it the Sword of the Spirit, we are to pray God’s Words over us, asking the Great Captain of the Army, (see Joshua), to use His Word to bring about healing, strength, and courage.  Once we learn from our Great Captain how to apply His Words to our own lives, we can therefore guide others humbly in their own changes.  Humbly, because we must, “consider ourselves, lest we are also tempted.”  Remember, our motives (attitude) should be the B-Attitudes!

When we are seriously ill for extended periods of time, we hear every kind of wackiness (hackiness actually) of people interpreting God’s Word in healing for us.  They pick one word out of one scripture and make a doctrine out of it, instead of “rightly handling the Word of Truth.”  They are well meaning, but ill equipped for the real battle at hand.  We learned that Spartans and the Disciples where always in pairs.  So, if someone has a Word, they are now paired up with the person they have the word for.  God’s Words brings life, unity, discipline, and direction.  Many of my bestest brothers have had Words for me that I did not want to hear.  But, because I trusted their Words, I allowed iron to sharpen iron!  Again, ouch!

Please listen to this song by Casting Crowns “Praise Him in This Storm” to understand how we feel about what we are going through, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-XzbAVBCgQ.  I say we, even though I am the one who is suffering, because it is really harder to watch someone you love be in agony, than be suffering yourself.  This has been a grueling struggle that has tested not only our faith, but also our marriage and parenthood.  We are learning that it is only God’s Voice and His written Words that keep us sane and working together to get through this ordeal.

Somehow, modern Western preachers preach a health/prosperity doctrine that states that sickness and poverty are curses and those of us who return on our Shields are less spiritual than those who return with their Shields, even though Jesus said He came to us for that very reason; he owned no property or money and came to suffer and die for us and His Father (Kingdom of God).  Paul said “I die daily; die is gain!”  Isn’t The Medal of Honor usually given posthumously!

I am not saying or believing that death awaits me now, I am saying that many of my friends have already returned on their Shields before me (saints that I am not worthy to untie their sandals), and there is that possibility that the Gray family had to work through before we made this potentially lethal decision.  We all are onboard, and are prepared for whatever God’s Will is for us.  We pray God’s Will, not our own, be done through using, believing, and confessing our Mighty Sword of the Spirit.

We hope and pray that you also will pray for God’s Will for us and not be sad or disappointed in me that I was not able to complete the therapy as prescribed and may have to just quit altogether.  I say this because the nonChristian HepC support groups are very down on those that don’t finish their Interferon course.  Everyone reacts differently according to their HepC Genotype, age, and the damage done to their liver (the stage 1-4) that they are in.  I am in the worst group: 60 or older, Genotype 1, non-naive (tried it before), and Stage 4 (final stage) liver damage.

In the weeks and months to come, it will take all the faith and God’s Word available to us to continue with our Shields.  We long to get back into the battle with our upgraded tried and true weapons and skill in wielding them.  You also get your armor upgraded every time you succeed in battle, as you prepare for the next battle.  I love what T.D. Jakes once said, “’in the world you will have tribulation,’ start tribulating!”  In other words, we should be out doing the things that bring tribulation and persecution so we can experience persecution and tribulation.

May the Words of our Lord resonate with us and you that we may hear His Voice above all the noise that tries to drown out His.  May we truly rest in our Lord and be able to say in faith with Timon and Pumba, “Hakuna-matata, hakuna-matata, hakuna-matata,” or as my best Aussie mate would say, “no worries mate.”   If you love music as we do, also listen to the cry of our hearts for you and the Gray family by DC Talk, “Consume Me,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVlod4SdLD8. (WARNING: Contemporary Christian Music!)

With much love and respect for God’s Word and to all of you who love His Voice and God’s Son as we do.

Mike, Carolyn, and Aaron

November 15, 2012 Update – Enough! Take up the Shield of Faith

No worse sound could be heard by the enemies of Sparta than the sound of thousands of their bronze shields banging together as their leader shouted, “Spartans, lock shields!”  For the Spartan Warriors, no greater offensive weapon could be utilized than his shield.  It was a disgrace to even drop a shield in battle, let alone lose it.  Most of their enemies used shields defensively, and they were made of much cheaper materials. The Spartan Shield, however, cost the family a fortune. It was made of bronze, and since soldiers were paired with family, mentors, or best friends, it must be made of the strongest material for their protection also.

 Their shield was so valuable to the family that the wife or mother would hand her soldier his shield and give him this request, “return to me my love, either with this shield or on this shield,” for their shields bore the family or Spartan symbol.  When the wars were localized, Spartans used their shields to carry home their dead.  In battle the shield not only protected the soldier in front, but also to the rear and to their right.  Long spears protruded out on top, below and on the side of the shield, allowing soldiers to push the enemy back, forcing them to fight going backward.

No wonder the Apostle Paul tells us to take up the Shield of Faith as it is a great and mighty weapon.  The author of Hebrews tells us, by faith, “Gideon, Barak, Samson Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength;  became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to life again.”

However, many also returned on their Shields, “There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection.  Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment.  They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword…the world was not worthy of them…These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”

In Revelations 5 we find that “The Lion of the Tribe of Judah” conquered and was worthy to bring judgment and salvation.  So, for the Gray family, the Lion is our family Shield symbol.  We are a warrior family and identify with Jesus as our great Captain, able to deliver us from satan’s attacks and lead us to victory.  The Lion (Jesus) has devoured our drug addiction, illness, suffering, despair and hopelessness.  He has also licked our wounds, and healed us, restoring us and giving us rest. Before my illness,  Carolyn and I fought valiantly for the lives of drug addicts and others caught in satan’s snares, and we miss the battle and long to return and be used in the battle for souls.  Our son, as a YWAM missionary, fights with the same tenacity as we did taking up his Shield of Faith for those overseas.

However, we are totally exhausted in this fight and sometimes I feel like I have had enough!!!!  Like that iconic hero, Popeye the Sailor, “I have had all I can stands and I can’t stands no more!”  Popeye's having had enough, caused him to double down, eat his spinach and defeat Brutus.  I too am extremely tired of pain and suffering, and Carolyn and Aaron suffer with me.  Like the Spartans in battle, I am paired with my wife, Carolyn, who is behind me pushing me forward while fighting her battles, and Aaron, our son, who constantly holds us up prayer as he battles his own weariness of this disease. We are all exhausted and need you to “lock shields” with us to help push us forward. 

For those of you on our right, we need you to commit to praying for us at least once per day; others once per week.  For those on our left we need a financial commitment. When we receive donations to our NFT (National Foundation for Transplants)  the money is held for us until we submit receipts for treatment that we have paid out of pocket. We have a three month window to submit receipts.  If they are older than three months, we cannot be reimbursed.  Currently we have approximately three thousand dollars worth of receipts.  Approximately one thousand dollars are approaching expiration. If we raise at least one thousand dollars, we would not lose reimbursement.  If we could raise three thousand dollars, we would have enough to the end of the year.  We know this is a lot of money, and there are so many worthy ministries; but we also know we serve a big God and that He will return to you a hundred fold.

Please consider a support gift of ANY size knowing it can only be used for our transplant and disease treatment.  We believe we are good stewards of God’s bounty, and will receive our dreams fulfilled of having a greater impact in our latter years than in our former.  I am willing to return to ministry with my Shield or on my Shield of Faith, as we trust in our Mighty Leader for the final outcome of this trial.

 

We thank you in advance for "locking shields" with us knowing that you will continue to pray about and for us.  Your prayers are felt in the battle, you may never know how you have carried us through so many battles, but we certainly couldn't do it without you!

With Much Love and Respect,
Mike, Carolyn and Aaron

 

9/23/12 Update – The Value of Human Life

How do we measure how much a human is worth?  Our bank accounts, our achievements, our linage, age, or our potential?  I have to think about this, and I hope that you never will.  You see, if I get another liver transplant, someone else won’t; and they will die.  Is my life worth more than theirs?  I was asked by the chief transplant surgeon not to put my name on the list because I have already lived way longer than most, have had a wonderful life, and my survival rate is only 50/50 (first transplants are about 95%).  Well, what if the person I am giving up my life for is an alcoholic or drug addict and will just waste their life and mine?  I will build our Lord’s Kingdom (I).  What if?  We can come up with a hundred what ifs.

You see, I just lost another friend on the transplant list.  That makes five I have known well, some for a life time, that have died waiting for that precious gift of life.  I would give up mine for any of them.  But, that is because I knew them and their potential; I am not a martyr, I have had my chance and would love to give them theirs.  But what if they were….

There is a 23 year old autistic boy who needs a heart transplant, but the surgeons won’t do it because of his autism.  Yes, he will never run a company, be financially well off, won’t graduate college, or be a sports hero.  He will be, well, just a human being!  The surgeons stated that if there were enough organs to go around it would not be an issue, as they would not have to set a value on his life.  So, please, please, please, if you have not already become an organ donor; become an organ donor!  The life you save may be my own!!!!!!  Sorry to digress.  Also, if you would like to support this young man’s cause and assert his value, click the link provided.

Now, one last thing on value; my second cousin was born mentally challenged (that is hard for me to say because I don’t think of her that way).  Her family would tell you that life without her would not be the same.  My grand nephew was born with the only handicap of being part Gray!  However, as a little baby, one of his caretakers (not in our family or family’s care) beat his head in and then smothered him almost to death.  At this point we don’t know what will be the lasting effects of this trauma.  

However, they both can do something I could never do; light up a room just by entering it!  They each have a special ability to communicate love, acceptance, and peace just by interacting with you as they are unable to speak.  How do we measure that valuable trait?  Everywhere they go, it appears that they bring comfort to those around them and it is amazing to see how many people know them.

With knowing these two, my heart aches for the mother who must watch her baby boy die just because he has autism.  He is worth so much more than we can ever believe, as God so loved the world (not just the healthy, strong, smart, and athletic) that He gave His only Son to die for us and them.  He loves us with so much love we are unable to fathom the height, depth, length and width of His amazing Love.

Click here to hear how much God loves us.

So, what are we to do?  First, pray for these three precious angels that our Father will continue to bless them and their parents with abundance of joy.  Pray for my grand nephew’s complete recovery, and my second cousin’s continued health.  Pray also for this autistic boy that the surgeons will change their attitudes of the “Value of Human Life” and give him the transplant.  Also, become an organ donor and do what it takes in your state to maintain that status.  And, finally, pray that I will not need another transplant so the burden of making this decision will be lifted and some else will get a chance to be as blessed as I have been.

You are so valuable to me and to God,

With Much Love and Respect,
Mike
Click here to ask the surgeons to transplant this autistic boy.

Update 09/01/12 Ramblin' Man

I stated in the last post that this post would be about how blessed I am.  I had all these scriptures ready to share on the BeAttitudes of being blessed.  However, if you permit me to ramble a little bit, I will share with you a different version of how blessed I really am as a result of what has happened last Friday and Saturday.  I have always known how alive God’s Word is, but today (Saturday), I experienced this for myself.

You see, Friday was a very bad day.  I called my Transplant Coordinator to beg her to give me at least seven days of reprieve from my third medicine which is giving me the most trouble.  However, she said no.  I was so bummed.  I really wanted/needed relief.  So, I went to my room, shut out the lights and laid there feeling really sorry for myself.  Then Aaron came home and we talked about the Kingdom for a long time.  Seeing his love, not only for God, but God's Kingdom, gave me such joy and comfort, I was able to go to sleep to forget the pain.

Saturday morning Aaron and I went to the "Christian Surfers Daisy Paddle Out" to raise money for Daisy, Al Merrick’s granddaughter, who has to raise $500,000 for cancer treatment.  Chandler Brownlee picked us up and took us to the beach.  Well, the dredge had added a 100 yards of sand to the beach.  Before, I could just go down the stairs and into the ocean.  Now, 100 yards of sand was “a bridge too far.”  I went there to support Christian Surfers and add a picture of chemo-therapy for people to give more, but now I had to be carried to the beach, pulled out on the board, and pulled at least a half mile down the beach, and carried back.  My anemia took all the power out of my blood.

While in Teen Challenge, my favorite Spanish song was “Hay Poder en la Sangre;” (There is Power in the Blood).  I learned that first hand Saturday morning.  First, the Red blood cells carried me to the beach and brought me nourishment and strength; the White cells surrounded me and protected me from falling and getting hurt.  The Power in the Blood came from Jesus through His Body to build up what was lacking in my own blood.  Blessed?  Did I say how blessed I am?

However, I wrote the above Saturday afternoon, by night fall things took a very bad turn,  I then went for blood work, CAT Scan, mini-colonoscopy, and met with my transplant coordinator.  Results; side effects.  Still wouldn’t cut back my meds.  However, increased pain did not change the fact that I am blessed: my wife and son love God and His Kingdom more than their own lives; they love and support me more than I deserve.  My sisters and cousins all love Jesus; my friends are mentors and Kingdom minded.  Our home group prays for us and are available to help anytime we ask.  Our neighbors contstantly pray for us and bring us treats, especially chocolate. (See picture of recent visit by our great neighbors.)

So, here we are, a week later with one more week to go.  We can do this, but truly I will need your prayers and support to make it another week.  Then, I will have 36 more weeks to go!!!!!  Please pray that I will be able to make it and that the side effects will stop when dropping this one medication.  Either way, I will still be blessed.

With much Love and Respect,

Mike 

P.S.  Praise God the CT scan and biopsy were fine.  They believe the pain is caused by the meds and hopefully gone when medication is over.

Poster Boy? Mike's 8-23-12 Update

If my mom was still alive she would be really proud of me: I am now the HepC Triple Therapy Poster Boy!!!!  If you read my last blog, “A little Cheese with my Whine, Please,” you would know how brutal this chemo therapy has been on me.  However, my transplant coordinator just informed us that we are doing much better than the other ten in my group.  As you know, I cleared the HepC virus in record time, my blood work is slowly improving, I am not throwing up, having multiple transfusions, or have horrible rashes or vertigo, and I am alive (one isn’t)!  Also, I have not missed an injection or any pill dosages, and I have managed to maintain my weight.  Of course, she gave all the credit to Carolyn, as do I, to God, and to all of you who have supported us in prayer and financially.

This honorable designation is my pay back for whining; you see I complained about the leg cramps when others don’t have legs!  The Apostle Paul stated, “in everything give thanks, for this is God’s will concerning you.”  We don’t give thanks “for” everything but “in” everything.  A couple of things here; no matter how bad we think we have it, someone else has it worse.  And, those who have it worse may be receiving a huge blessing at the end, or a bigger reward in heaven, maybe never realizing the reward for their suffering here on earth (Heb. 11).   We don’t always know why we are suffering, but that suffering time is set by God as well as a good reason.  Should we not trust God that He knows what He is doing when we don’t see it?

This reminds me of a battle that would determine the history of the Jews. The battle was won because, as Moses was suffering the pain of muscle cramps and fatigue while holding up his rod, Aaron and Hur grabbed his arms and held them up until the Jews were victorious in battle.  He experienced a victory that changed the course of Jewish history.  He was rewarded because he did not give up no matter what the pain;  he blessed God in the pain, and received help through the pain. I also feel I am held up by your prayers, and experience a victory that would not otherwise be possible.   Moses never got to ‘see’ his victory realized when his people entered into the promised land.  Nonetheless, the plan of God was perfect and accomplished His purposes.  I know and believe God's purposes will also be accomplished in my life.

Take heart; although it may appear that what we are going through is for nothing, God’s plan for us is full of so much love, that He would never waste a single tear.  I consider myself one of the most blessed men on earth.  The next update will explain why I am so blessed.  As usual, let us know how we can pray for you as you are kind enough to pray for us.  Carolyn and I pray daily for the needs we hear of from you.

With much love and respect,

Mike

A Little Cheese With My Whine, Please!

Yes, I am going to whine.  Why?  To prevent you from possibly falling victim to the same trap I fell in.  First, to whine!  My body feels like I was hit with a Mack truck; my nervous system feels like heroin withdrawals; my stomach is extremely nauseous and my large intestine feels like it is full of molten lava.  When the volcano erupts, which is three to six  times a day, I have yelped, shed a tear, and moaned loudly.  I also have fevers, chills, and other types of random side effects.  However, with all the pain and suffering described above, there is nothing to be compared to the last side effect: anemia.  Anemia is a lack of red blood cells and causes unbelievable, overwhelming fatigue.  Many times I am unable to hold my head up, walk more than 20 ft., and it brings more brain fog.  Although I have to self inject a drug to reverse this condition,  it has only slowed down the progress, but has not reversed it.  I am literally helpless!

Many of you also deal with life controlling problems, broken relationships, failed businesses, and other overwhelming life impacting catastrophes that don’t seem to be controlled by conventional methods.  It is not that I am complaining, mind you, it is that Carolyn noticed a change in my countenance.  Although I was not complaining any more than I usually do (which is a lot!!!!), it was that I seemed to have lost my joy, and she asked if I had read the Word or prayed to our Father.  I had not.  You see my spirit was anemic; I had let my physical ailments dictate my spiritual condition.  This only compounded the problem, as now I was battling all this on my own.  We were not made to be without God’s loving Spirit; the same Spirit that Jesus said is the great Comforter and Helper whom He would send when He left.

Please do not be like me and let circumstances dictate our behavior.  If you are struggling with a difficult situation , take the time to pray and nourish yourself on God’s Word and watch how God can work the impossible.  Also, get together for prayer with someone else to help carry the load.  I can’t tell you how much having Carolyn and Aaron praying for me,  and loving me through this has meant to me.  And, for those of you who  have prayed for me, I would like to pray for you, so let us know your prayer request and we will add you to our list.  My final thought is loving community; I belong to a home group that spoils us rotten.  The Word is so true for us not to forget the assembly of ourselves.

As always, thank you all for your prayers and support; without it we would not have been able to continue so strongly.

Many, many Blessings,

Mike

ZERO (An Update from Mike)

To all my wonderful family and friends,

Most of us, including myself, have read all the wonderful stories in the New Testament of Jesus healing the sick.  Most of us never realize the impact and significance of those healings, and I for one am glad you have not had to go through a life-long tragic disease to understand what it is like to be healed of such a dreaded sickness.  Like the woman who had a blood disorder that spent all she had for years on cures, or the paralytic next to the Pool of Siloam who waited years for someone to help him into the water, or the lepers’ cast out because of their skin disease, I have suffered with HepC for 22 years now.  What is it truly like to be healed of such a malady?  I now know!!!!!  After suffering horrible pain, fatigue, and nausea, after losing my job, my retirement and savings, after watching two of my very best friends die from HepC, after enduring a liver transplant, after putting my family and friends through hell watching me suffer, I am now HepC free with zero count of the virus in my body, zero!

Yesterday, my transplant coordinator called us and said, “Mr. Gray, you have beaten the odds and now are HepC zero count virus free.”  Odds/smodds, we know there are no odds, but a loving Father who heeded all of our prayers and healed me.  After recovering from the shock, I went into my bedroom to praise and worship the God who loves me, but instead after about 10 minutes began to sob uncontrollably for about 20 minutes until my sister called, and even then, took a little while to stop crying.  I continue crying off and on throughout the day as the reality is still sinking in.  I am healed.  Now I know why the cripple jumped up and down shouting and praising God when Peter and John pulled him up.  I really know!  It is one thing to know about God, it is vastly different to know the God who loves us; to experience who He is first hand.

Unfortunately, I still have to remain on the Triple Interferon Therapy for another 44 weeks.  Please be praying that by God's mercy I can be taken off this therapy sooner! But now, as the Book of Revelations tells us how we win in the end- I win in the same way!  I am still extremely sick with side effects from the treatment, but it is a little easier now to endure knowing the outcome is assured.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your prayers and support of our family year after year.  I could never thank any of you enough, from Tom Stansbury who risked his life to save mine, to the person who prayed for us when we came to mind.  To all of you; thank you.